|Ok so I don't really mean to only post twice a year but lets be honest, three of my friends are really going to read this :)|
I'll try to be more prolific!
A sister is pregnant
So yeah, my youngest sister tells me she's preggers as I walked into my daed dad's house (he was still upstairs. There was a guy in the room I didn't recognize, I assumed he was the soon to be father but there was something really bugging me...
I wanted to walk over and congratulate him but I couldn't.
It's not that I was filled with a sense of Big Brother protectiveness, "How the fuck do you get off doin the bumpitty bump with my little sister, you low life sad sack sonuvabitch?"
Nothin like that.
I think I was really trying to figure out what HE was thinking by legally attaching himself to my family.
Now we have to fast foward becuuse I am sorta mentally still in Dad's house at this point and I really want to go to a BBQ about a week in the future.
Things Terry has been told in that week:
1) Terry, we will find a way to bury your father - Terry's Mom
2) The father of my sister's baby will be gainfully employed when his agent gets him signed to a basketball team in...Turkey - Terry's Sister
It's a general rule that people in my family have little breaks with reality from time to time. Not large breaks mind you. Just little ones. Like when you're on a road trip on a highway and there is just that flat stip of land with the wild grass and State Troopers making U-Turns, then all of a sudden, there are these really cool pine trees and a Hawk.
See, a break, just like that. That's the way we work.
There was only one reason my mom had to say anything about HOW to FIND A WAY to bury my dad. He was a retired firefighter. It's not like he was a derelict living under a bridge. Of course he'd be buried. The question was this, "Was the woman who happened to be the mother of my MIDDLE SISTER (aha! gotcha didn't I) gonna pony up any cash to make it happen?
My Mom had a break with reality that said that she was playing a game of funeral home poker with my Dad's ex Girlfriend from back in the 70's (mom and dad were separated and he got a GF and knocked her up). This made her believe that The Other Woman had an insurance policy on my dad and thay she needed to kick in money for the funeral.
Anyway, whatever that other woman had was none of my mom's business actually and all the drama surrounding it was stupid. Back to the more important issue of Turkey Ball.
So there I am with Spermy McDonorstein, grillin up some burgers in the driveway and I have to ask the guy,
"So Spermy, What is it you do again?"
"Me?", as if I could have been asking the other mutherphucker who knocked up a sister of mine...,"I'm a Baller."
The irony here is astounding but I just let it go.
"Right now I'm waitin to hear back from this one agent I got who is tellin me that he can get me in a semi pro league over seas in Turkey..."
"Really, you're good enough to play ball in Turkey huh? What is your position? You look about 6' even. Are you a guard?"
"I'll play whatever, man. I've played in Summer leagues here against guys in the NBA and all that. They good but they ain't so good that I can't run with them."
For those who don't know, sometimes NBA players join Summer leagues for he extra workout and to be able to go back home and show Spermy just how much game he's lacking.
So I ask, "So all it's coming down to is a call?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"And what if this doesn;t work out?"
"Shit man, I might have to think about gettin a 9-5"
"How old are you, Spermy?"
"Oh, yeah, kid, I think you and 9 and/or 5 might have to at least shake hands and have lunch a few times in the next nine months"
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